I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
don't judge my taste in strippers
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
