I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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