i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
