I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
