fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
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i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
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My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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