Your mouth is God's brothel.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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