soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
