dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just invented taco cereal.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
