we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
