90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's even glitter on my cock...
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