The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
