I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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