grandma shit on top of the toilet
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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