Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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