I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
