what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
