If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
