Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
