so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
