I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Little spoons don't ask big questions
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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