just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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