whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize