Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
