He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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