i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
