his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
