This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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