hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
