For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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