Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
