you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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