she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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