I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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