I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
