I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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