we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
