So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
