i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
