It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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