Its about making memories worth repressing
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize