well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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