so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home