I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities