Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.

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(561): It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out. http://tfl.nu/g5y4

Replies (14) Good night (787) Bad night (6410)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.

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(604): Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit. http://tfl.nu/890j

Replies (48) Good night (2947) Bad night (9704)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...

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(814): I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker... http://tfl.nu/b9kq

Replies (10) Good night (4040) Bad night (1265)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born

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(479): Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born http://tfl.nu/g2yi

Replies (2) Good night (3404) Bad night (1055)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?

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(973): She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike? http://tfl.nu/jtxw

Replies (10) Good night (3423) Bad night (879)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !

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(402): Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special ! http://tfl.nu/2zxz

Replies (23) Good night (1804) Bad night (1061)
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(980): View more from North Carolina

Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?

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(980): Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew? http://tfl.nu/j4qs

Replies (12) Good night (2745) Bad night (753)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.

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(570): Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me. http://tfl.nu/6mb8

Replies (8) Good night (849) Bad night (893)
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(228): View more from Mississippi

We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver

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(228): We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver http://tfl.nu/kd5u

Replies (5) Good night (1790) Bad night (596)
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(301): View more from Maryland

by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.

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(301): by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can. http://tfl.nu/1yox

Replies (4) Good night (715) Bad night (435)
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(830): View more from Texas

Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?

(210): View more from Texas

Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine

(830): View more from Texas

drunken problem solving at its finest

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(830): Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra? (210): Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine (830): drunken problem solving at its finest http://tfl.nu/2c5e

Replies (2) Good night (1221) Bad night (430)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.

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(870): So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub. http://tfl.nu/l7si

Replies (2) Good night (661) Bad night (654)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"

(501): View more from Arkansas

I'll start the recruiting

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(870): I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!" (501): I'll start the recruiting http://tfl.nu/vx2o

Replies (2) Good night (1199) Bad night (435)
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(480): View more from Arizona

There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.

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(480): There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which. http://tfl.nu/ypuq

Replies (2) Good night (669) Bad night (301)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.

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(919): I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot. http://tfl.nu/jowl

Replies (2) Good night (989) Bad night (371)

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