Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
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He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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