You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
