we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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