She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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