Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
