Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.