and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
