Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
