The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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