There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
