I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
