I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
