im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
