I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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