He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
