p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
