i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
