your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
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Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
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I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
send nudes
from the living room?
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