Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
