I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
