Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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