a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
