guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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