I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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