i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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