I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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