I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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