So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
