I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
