oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
