Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
